Season 0

A special 10 minute episode. Follow the clown, find the party. Don't tell.

Shortly after Cassie returned from the clinic, she meets up with Michelle. There, Michelle offers Cassie a spliff, but she informs Michelle that she doesn't smoke any more because she no longer does anything that makes her hungry. Then, whilst Cassie and Michelle are walking, Michelle asks Cassie to do a favour. Cassie, without knowing what the favour is, agrees to it. Michelle then tells Cassie that Sid is in love with her and the she really needs Cassie to shag Sid. They then walk in to a wedding clothes shop. Where Cassie suggests that they try on the clothes; Cassie being Tony and Michelle herself. At which point the shopkeeper arrives and asks them to leave. Cassie tell the shopkeeper that Michelle is pregnant and that her man has chosen to do the right thing in marrying her. Cassie then tells Michelle to faint, and for the shopkeeper to fetch some water. She does this to get rid of the shopkeeper and so that they can try on the wedding clothes. They then run out, to the sound of wedding bells, where Michelle complains that they are "the most visible fugitives ever". To which Cassie replies that the shopkeeper was a nasty person and that her New Year's resolution is that "nasty people don't count" and that she is a new person. Michelle tells Cassie that she missed her, saying, "I love you, you know?" to which Cassie responds, "Yeah, I mostly do."

The Careers Advisor tries to find the key to unlock Chris, Jal and Sid's ideal job, with limited success.

The episode opens with a screen that states that Ace and Lynton are attempting to get a DJ to play their music. It is written twice, once above in Ebonics and below in "proper" English. Ace and Lyton are having a conversation in some form of Ebonics with subtitles in "proper English". They mention a plan to see Stuart Elmore, a DJ with a lot of connections. They then mention that, when they arrive at the station, they need to be talking "proper English". When they arrive at the station, they starting in "proper English", there are now, Ebonics subtitles. Ace then asks Lynton to show the receptionist the mix tapes that he is carrying. Lynton tells Ace that the bag contains a pineapple. They once again mention their motto - "Bang bang shoot em up, props to the hood" (subtitled in Latin), and the receptionist responds with Ebonics and says, "Papoose, he is truly shower". They then offer to perform a demo, which they do. The receptionist says that they are good and then tries to get them on air. She sends them up, where they perform a very long intro to the rap. They then start the rap, but they are cut and thrown out because of the use of a swear word. Afterwards, the receptionist expresses sympathy with them outside, and they sign Lyton's hat and give it to her.

Cassie walks up to another student and asks him for his top, explaining that it's not for her it's for a friend. Anwar bets Maxxie £5 that she won't get it, Maxxie takes up the bet. She eventually does. She then tries to get his jeans, but he overhears and runs off. Then George walks along, Michelle tries to get his jeans. Maxxie bets £10 that she can't, which Anwar takes up. George decides not to. Maxxie says, "Double or quits" to if he can get George's jeans. George gives up his jeans and then Maxxie kisses George, and to the realization that George is also gay, Anwar exclaims, "The whole fucking world is gay". The rest of the scenes are from the episode.

Initially, the careers adviser is working on her own application form. She calls Sid for help, but he isn't there. Anwar enters the careers office in a ninja costume. The careers adviser shrugs her shoulder and Anwar asks is it because "a brown man can't be a ninja?" He then performs a routine with nunchucks. The careers adviser is impressed; Anwar asks which gang he can be a part of. The careers adviser tells him that she can't help. Tony's questionnaire says that he can be anything that he wants to be. The careers adviser asks what he wants to be, to which he replies "Elvis". The careers adviser says that she "just wanted to make a difference". Tony asks her if she is "more of a Beatles fan", leaving by calling her a "hippie". Michelle then enters, at which point the careers adviser is under the desk. Michelle’s questionnaire says that she is very good at languages. They then start talking in French. The careers adviser shows prospectuses and Michelle tells her that she wants to go to a university that is far, far away, to which the careers adviser suggests The University of Strathclyde (which in fact does not have a specific Languages course). It instead runs individual language courses.

The gang without Chris are at a pub, where they discuss how much money they have raised to get Chris to go on the trip to Russia. Chris comes in a fish costume, Tony explains that he needs £700 to go to Russia, and since he had brought nothing to the funds that all they had was under £30. Chris explains that he needs to go because Angie will be there. Anwar tells the gang that porn star Cathy Barry is in the bar. Maxxie goes up to talk to Cathy to ask which one of the gang she likes. Maxxie returns, saying that she liked Chris. Chris shares a bed with Cathy where he spends a vast amount of time prodding her breasts. Chris tells her that he's in love with Angie and that he feels that he's being unfaithful. Chris explains that he wanted to go to Russia in the hope that a love between him and Angie would start, and that he needs £700 to go to Russia. Cathy offers a cheque for the trip.

Michelle and Jal are in a bar, drinking shots, whilst they are deciding which of their friends is like each of the animal models bought by Michelle's stepfather, Malcolm. Jal is the duck, and Michelle is a cat. They also decide that Anwar is the sausage dog, Sid is the frog, and Tony, is not one of the models, but actually ice - "Cold and Transparent".

Effy directly addresses the camera, talking of a girl, who for her whole life drank lemonade and became dependent upon it. Her parents appeased her, to the extent that they ignored her brother who was "a bit stupid". In order for her to rescue him from starvation, the girl drinks all the lemonade in her bowl, and farts that it propels her to escape.

Cassie and her friend from the therapy centre discuss all the things she will miss, including Sid.

Jal wants to show off her chihuahua.

Can Chris wear 72 socks?

Abigail hopes the the people of 2107 are jolly well.

It's dark in Tony's sister's head. Very dark.

Maxxie has heard a lot about this interweb thing, and has something very exciting to show you lucky people.

Michelle explains all about clothes for every occasion.

"I hope you're getting on awfully well. We do not speak of grandmother's bunions."

Tony takes you on a tour of Bristol.

Sid heads into final battle with the Danish warlord Wallothet.

It's not just about the fresh clothes and loads of money.

Cassie's therapy video. She likes things that she likes, but she loves everything.

Tony's sister recorded this in his room when he was in a coma.

Seasonal greetings from the Skins gang.

"Black is such a slimming colour."

A very special message from Sid to Tony.

Cassie posts Sid a message from Scotland.

"Kenneth has an ode for Jal."

Sid visits his best mate Tony.

Anwar's in love. His video diary boldly goes into detail.

Chris wants to show how much he misses Angie, and cares for the Data Protection Act.

Abigail sends Tony a message, and makes some rather elaborate claims.

Everyone wants to be in the college musical, though nobody's quite sure what it's about. The actress Aimee-Ffion Edwards appears in a non speaking role, presumably as Sketch.

This video features Michelle making a video for a dating website on behalf of her mother. Some of the traits she list this man must not have are hairy bums, commenting on breasts, weird gnome fetishes or skin tight green jeans. Michelle also states numerous times there must be no ogling of schoolgirls. It should be noted that this video was originally released exclusively on Myspace, however it later made available on the Skins official website.

The video starts at an empty Italian style restaurant, with Anwar sat at a table talking to himself, the waiter then asks him, if he would like to choose wine. Meanwhile, Sketch is outside the restaurant, planning to break-up with Anwar. As the date continues, the waiter continually interrupts, and Anwar calls Sketch his girlfriend. They then run away from the restaurant without paying.

Sketch talks about how if she had a cock, Maxxie would love her. She shows half a picture of Anwar and half a picture of Maxxie and her plan is to make Anwar like Maxxie.

Tony can't sleep. And when he does, his dreams are, well his dreams are nightmares. The kind that make you wake up screaming.

Anwar posts the second of his dating video blogs, this time the lucky lady under scrutiny is Sketch.

Cassie feels awkward around Chris and Jal so she tells them she has a date, when she really has no one. She even sends messages to Chris about her "date". Cassie wanders the streets alone for a few hours until she meets an old man. She helps him to his house and then is invited to stay for a cup of tea, but when the old man touches her while they are dancing, she tries to leave but the doors are locked. After she gets the keys, she forgives the man and cooks him dinner. He falls asleep, and she goes home.

Monday: Maxxie meets a new love-interest: James, who is both gay and a cyclist. Maxxie seems very interested, leaving him a note on his bicycle. Sketch steals this note, later slashing Maxxie's tyres. Tuesday: Maxxie is forced to take the bus, and so leaving a window for Sketch to approach James warning him off on the grounds that: She was his ex-girlfriend and he stalks her (both lies). Wednesday: James tells Maxxie to leave him alone, only to work out Sketch was lying. The next morning (Thursday), James finds his tyres slashed and is also forced to get the bus, meeting Maxxie onboard. They talk and work out that this is all Sketch's work; they decide to start again. Sketch is seen outside looking in with a face of melancholy, as the two exchange names.

Chris has recorded a message for Facebook for: "Lord (sounds bad), Lord God, Christ, Almighty, Jesus, you've gotta lot of names, if I were you I think I would be called Almighty," as he decides now is the right time and well "everyone is on the internet these days". Chris tells 'God' that his mum used to take him and his brother to Sunday School and he loved the stories especially "Jonno" and the Whale, who went to Ayia Napa instead of Jerusalem. Chris reflects that his 3 minutes of death was like Jonno being in the whale before being spat back out, as he forgave people. He ends the message thanking God for sparing him and then ending with "They say the good die young. I suppose that makes perfect sense then."

Pandora has to get a weekend job because she isn't getting enough pocket money. She is having the "Wurst" time, so Effy saves the day.

You're freezing cold, you've got no money, its 10 o'clock, you call a taxi right? JJ, Cook and Freddie have a different plan.

Most of the gang speak to Doug, the new head of year at roundview.

We see the twins when they were nine years old dressed in Spice Girl dresses. But did they stick to their pact? And was Emily always the doormat? Only time can tell.

JJ hits the streets of Bristol and posts his 'magic' diary on rateyourmagic. He wants to improve his magician skills.

Naomi is hungover and she still made it to the student rally.

Using Effy's webcam, Pandora sends Thomas a message.

Freddie decides to hijack his sister's Sexxbomb audition tape, with consequences he probably wasn't expecting.

Karen's audition for Search for a Sexx Bomb.

Cookie stars in his very own campaign video smearing his opponent Naomi Campbell and making some bold claims.

Katie sends a message to her footballer boyfriend, Danny Guillermo: she's dumping him, but keeping his gifts.

Emily has a project: getting her neighbours to get it on..

Effy sends out messages during a stop in her road trip with Cook via webcam to her brother and mum.

Thomas sends his friend Moses (in the Congo) a message about the British people and their wonderful, weird ways. And a song?